The Blonde Pastry

Hellburn’s Corona Old Bay Marinara Shrimp Tortellini

It’s all in the name! And here’s how to make it: 

1. Be very hungry. Go to the kitchen and see that it is overrun with dishes you haven’t done. Put on a Meg Ryan movie. Now put the dishes in the dish washer. They won’t all fit. Wash the rest. Grumble to yourself. 
2. Now, put a shallow dish in the recently emptied sink and fill it with frozen shrimpies. Let cool water run into the dish and over the sides. Leave the faucet on.
3. Fill the small pot with water and pour half a Corona into the medium pot. Cover the top of the beer with a layer of Old Bay. Cover both and set them up to boil. Begin drinking the rest of the beer. 
4. When the shrimp are soft and squishy, drain them and put them on top of something metal with holes. If you’re lucky enough to have a steamer thingy (pictured above) use that. If not, a cheese grater or metal colander will do. Be creative! Coat the shrimp with Old Bay and place your metal thing in or over the medium pot. Don’t let it touch the beer. Lower the temperature to produce a gentle simmer. Cover as securely as possible. 
5. Put some frozen tortellini into the boiling water and add a little salt. Lower this to a less gently simmer. 
6. Open another Corona and drink it. 
7. After about 3 minutes check that the shrimp look pink and eatable. Remove them carefully, try to let them cool and peel them. 
8. After about 5 minutes check that the tortellini are soft and drain them too. Add some marinara to the pot and let it heat up. 
9. Put some white bread in the toaster. 
10. Mix the tortellini and shrimp into the sauce. Add more Old Bay to taste. 
11. Take out the toast, cover with butter and sprinkle liberally with garlic salt. 
12. Eat with the toast and another beer while Meg Ryan and the guy are breaking up. Do the new dishes while they get back together, or you’ll kick yourself later. You’ll be done before the final kiss! 

I like to use equal amounts shrimp and pasta because eff that stuff where the restaurant only gives you 5 shrimp. Enjoy! 

Kick In The Butt Tea

When I feel sick, even a little bit, I make this IMMEDIATELY. 

• One Lemon Zinger Teabag
• One Detox Teabag
• 2 Teaspoons of Ground Ginger (Roasted is best)
• The Juice of Half A Lime OR A Lemon
• A Spoonful Of Honey

Put all this in your teacup (a fairly big one) and pour really hot water over it. Let steep for 3 minutes. Take out the teabags and if you don’t like little bits of stuff, strain through a coffee filter slowly. But the little bits are good for you so don’t do that if you can help it. 

This stuff tastes pretty rough and you can feel it burning in your throat a little. But it’s a good burn! Do this every night before bed until you feel better. Usually I only get to the third day. If you can’t deal with the taste, let it cool and then chug! 

Clothing Fast… Day 23 and Feeling Surprisingly Good!

Alright I’m about to do something that I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would…

I am here to extoll the virtues of not buying any clothes. 

Don’t panic! This is real life but it is not forever. 

I am on my 23rd day of absolutely no clothing purchases* and it actually feels great. I’m trying hard to save money to move out of my dad’s house and into D.C. in the spring and the amount that I haven’t spent on clothes already this month is shocking even me. Usually my bank account is a total mystery to me. I dread the inevitable text message telling me that my balance is low, usually received somewhere between the Nordstrom’s Shoe Department and H&M. But, lately it is very consistent. I am not a big spender in terms of per item price. Seriously. I can count on my fingers the amount of things I’ve bought in the last year that were not on sale. However, in volume, I excel. My other problem is that the things I buy are rarely necessities. Shopping for neutrally colored tank tops and practical, unembellished dresses and tops has very little draw for me. 

Anyway! That’s the problem and here is the solution: 

As of September 1st, fed up with my own bad habits and my lack of success in the First-and-Last-Month’s-Rent fund area, I just stopped buying clothes. (If this sounds easy to you, why the hell are you still reading this? Stop it.)

I have found that there are two key components of successfully quitting. Rules and Anger/Defiance/Stubbornness. If you are a generally mild mannered person, this plan might not work for you. 

As far as Rules go, set up guidelines for yourself that are: 
1) Reasonable - don’t swear that you won’t buy anything. This plan can actually be applied to any type of shopping problem, but you have to let yourself have something. It’s totally possible to survive a month (or however long) without purchasing anything, but that doesn’t mean its any fun. So: 

Rule #1:  I will not buy any apparel including clothing, shoes, accessories or other things that you wear. This does include handbags. This does not include: Cosmetics, nail polish, etc. 

2) Clear - completely define what you can and can’t purchase, as shown above, and don’t leave yourself room for bargaining and compromising! 

*Rule #2: I may purchase clothing if it is necessary or required for a job. (For me) this means that leather gloves and a new helmet are allowed but a well tailored blazer is not. This is different for everyone, but make sure that you prepare yourself in advance for temptations that you can justify to yourself but will regret later. 

Rule #3: Price is not a factor. Even if something costs 50 cents at Nearly New, I will not buy it. Basically, just avoid thrift stores all together. A 50 cent slip leads to a $1 slip and so on. 

Once you have rules set up, even if they’re smart rules, it’s good to have incentive to follow them. I find that the best incentive for me is Anger/Defiance/Stubbornness. I simply think of how unimpressed people will be with my declaration that buying clothes is no longer a priority and I am suddenly filled with a need to prove them wrong. Money talks, and if you can control yourself for long enough to save a compelling sum, people will respect that. But! Do whatever works for you. Write your rules down and post them if guilt really gets to you or have someone else agree to talk you down when you’re one click away from a new pair of boots. 

Ways this will Improve Your Life: 

• Money. Duh. 
• Less crap you don’t need.
• This will aim your purchasing power towards more productive things. For example: for what I would have spent on a pair of shorts that I could only wear for one more week, I spent on three excellent volumes of three excellent comic books. 
• This will make you get creative. Maybe not right away, but after almost a month, you will start to take a more open minded look at your wardrobe. I have turned size 9 shorts into a size 2 without a sewing machine and learned to love my dad’s hand me down fall sweaters.  

• This will teach you to invest in clothes more sensibly in the future. So many clothes today are put together terribly and made with cheap, throw-away materials and when you have to start wearing the same clothes more often you’ll notice that some are falling apart. (I’m looking at you Forever 21!!) Later, you’ll be on the lookout for things that you can wear for longer than one season. 
• You will test your own will power and feel proud of and good about yourself.

Tips & Hints: 

• When you’re done… either at the date you originally set for yourself or later, don’t binge shop! Take it slow, choose one store to visit or limit yourself to one item on your first trip. 
• Just don’t go to stores. If you meet at the mall to go to the movies with friends, meet in the food court or show up just in time for the show. 
• Up-cycle things you already have in simple ways. I cut a cute nightgown into a shirt and I wear it about 800 times more than I used to. (See picture at top).
• Learn to love your staples and define your signature pieces! If you’re known for your kicks, wear that one pair everyone remembers everyday. Let your favorite denim vest get out more than once a week. It’s not a crime! 

So now… go out there and … Don’t shop! Good Luck! 

Wildfox Just Tweeted At Me

DREAMS DO COME TRUE